206049

Joke of the Day

"I missed my cake day yesterday. Here's a joke. My life."

"According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it..."

"Saw a big girl wearing really short, shredded denim shorts. I'm going to assume those were jeans before she hulked out."

"What do turtles do for fun? Play hide and shell."

"A golden joke... Did you hear about the man who robbed the bank? He went up to the cashier and demanded all the gold. When the thief ran away, the cashier yelled, ""A u!"""

"I make breakfast for my new boyfriend. ""How do you like your eggs? I like mine *fertilised*."""

"I'm starting a talent agency that only represents those dudes in rap videos that just sorta stand around looking all hard."

"A knock on Tim Cook's Door Knock, Knock. Who's There? IRS. IRS Who? Tax Audit You Idiot"

"Teacher: What is Ba + Na2? Pupil: Banana."

"I'm writing a book on procrastination I'm only on page 1 sadly"