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Joke of the Day

"TIL the French flag is traditionally made with Velcro So they could remove the red and blue bits in times of war"

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear."

"Have you ever shoed a horse? No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."

"TIFU by climbing into a German U-Boat Whoops. Wrong sub."

"'So where do you work?' 'I work for the World Health Organisation' 'Who?' 'That's right'"

"Thinking is bad... thinking is bad... it ruins every 3 out of 2 relationships"

"*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?"

"[at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted..."

"I have beiber fever; every time i hear about him i get sick."

"Why can't pirates play any card games? Because someone's always on the deck!"