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Joke of the Day

"Thinking is bad... thinking is bad... it ruins every 3 out of 2 relationships"

"Relationships are like algebra You always look at your x and try to figure out y."

"My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses"

"What do you call a guard with a hundred legs? A sentrypede."

"What did the cannibals do with the midget? Put another shrimp on the barbie."

"who says homosexuality isn't a decision? i turn women gay all the time."

"Some of you are like family to me. I don't want you calling me either."

"Did you guys hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents."

"If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, how many does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes."

"The best sex is like an old saloon. Liquor in the front and poker in the rear."