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Joke of the Day
"My dad has a weird hobby, he collects empty bottles. Which sounds a lot better than alcoholic."
Next Joke
"Twitter has lost 90% of my tweets. Great! Now I've got nothing to show for the last two years. Nothing."
"I'll bet the first ever drive thru window resulted in an incredible amount of broken glass."
"MAN TO LIZARD: ""SO I HEAR YOU'RE IN FLOORING SALES"" LIZARD: ""IM MORE IN PROMOTION"" MAN: ""WHAT DO YOU DO"" LIZARD: ""I REP TILE"""
"A man clicks on a post in /r/jokes... I'm watching you."
"I dunno but if I was a ""doctor to the stars"" I sure wouldn't be bragging about it these days"
"What terrorist group have the most cold blooded killers. ICES ASSASINS... (isis pun).."
"Some family is never more than just blood."
"Why did the number 6 cry? Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)"
"Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk"