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Joke of the Day

"My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers."

"If you put your right ear really close to your left knee and you listen... ...you can hear a voice say 'What the fuck are you doing?'"

"On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction. As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway."

"Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?"" ""I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."""

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts..."

"I don't do cocaine I just like the smell"

"The fireworks have been over for hours but Rex is still barking, which is weird because he's 12 years old and not a dog. Weird little kid."

"What's a composer's favourite childhood game? Haydn seek."

"It happens when you least expect it. Your head starts to spin. You lose control and you start falling head over heels. -winter ice/love"

"A good friend will help you move. A great friend will help you move a body."