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Joke of the Day

"A skeleton walks into a bar... and he says to the bartender... ""Give me a beer and give me a mop!"""

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public."

"I grow herbs in my bed. Bed thyme."

"Walk up in the club like ""THIS IS MY JAM"" handing out small jars of my homemade raspberry preserves"

"Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help."

"I only wear adult diapers for 2 reasons #1 and #2"

"Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby."

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."