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Joke of the Day

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"I'm having an existential crisis because I dialed a wrong number and the man who answered asked me, ""Who is you?!"""

"Where do you find the Bible in a library? ""Fiction""."

"Don't give a women flower, she may have hay fever. Don't give her chocolate, she may be on a diet! Give her wifi so there's no excuse."

"Why do you never see red headed Jazz musicians? They have no soul..."

"What do you call an Islamic pilot? A pilot, you racist."

"Adam and Eve Did you know Eve was the first carpenter? She made Adam's banana stand."

"People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous."

"*watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*"

"Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!"