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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never."

"Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion? Because he was a slave to the cistern!"

"[bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see."

"what's going on with people who are mad at movies that last longer than 90 minutes but happily watch an entire season of TV in one day"

"What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you? A pool table."

"How Do You Get an Elephant Out of the Fairway? You take the F out of Fair and the F out of Way"

"Guess What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves? Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now?"

"Me: *pooping with the door open* Olive Garden Mgr: ""I know what the slogan says ma'am, we aren't THAT kind of family."""

"Which boxer did Darth Vader put his money on in the fight? The Thai fighter"

"When life hands you gators, make Gatorade...just kidding-that means life hates you because the gators would totally kill and eat you 1st."