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Joke of the Day

"Me: *pooping with the door open* Olive Garden Mgr: ""I know what the slogan says ma'am, we aren't THAT kind of family."""

"I took a poetry class at an all-girls school It was called Girls Gone Wilde."

"Why was Hitler kicked off the track team? He could never finish a race."

"Logged into FB told Gemma her wedding pics are beautiful. Logged into Twitter to tell you she looked like a fat man in drag and I hate her."

"What's the difference between ISIS and a piece of shit? I don't know any difference either."

"Life is going pretty good for me lately I guess. I just got a booty call last night. It was from life. Apparently it still wants to fuck me."

"Sean Spicer said the inauguration had the ""largest audience ever."" Then he took it back because your mother left."

"Mannequin challenge but me just standing in the kitchen, in the dark, holding the ice cream container as my wife walks by unaware."

"What's the difference between a thief who steals timepieces and a man at a strip club? One snatches watches and the other watches snatches."

"Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: I'm just gonna nap for an hour then"