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Joke of the Day

"I was fucking my secretary up the arse when my wife walked in. She said, ""You can't do this to me!"" I said, ""I know... that's why I'm doing it to her."

"What do you feel when there's no coffee left? Depresso"

"About yesterdays Alabama vs. Auburn game... I feel bad for all the Alabama fans who drove their houses to the game yesterday."

"The weatherman keeps saying we are getting a pounding. *Followed*"

"What do you get when you mix a lesbian and a platypus? A lickalottapus."

"Ugh, I am swamped at work today. *stares at puppies on the Internet for 3 hours"

"I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me."

"What did one Jersey girl's leg say to the other? Nothing - they've never met."

"I was going to tell a gay joke... butt fuck it."

"How do they count the Mexican immigrants? They start with Juan"