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Joke of the Day

"While your honesty is refreshing, I am regretfully unable to accept your chat request, IWillDoYouAnally23."

"What do girls always wear to math class? Alge-Bras!!"

"How many ears does Leonard Nimoy have? 3. A left ear, a right ear, and the final frontier."

"I could make some serious money selling nude pics of myself to bulimics with short fingers."

"KNOCK KNOCK Who's there, Howard, Howard who? Howard you wanna suck these nuts. Also works with: Wendy you wanna suck these nuts Jorge come suck these nuts"

"How do you offend a vegan? Cover your ears with your hands"

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots."

"Isis Isis Babe."

"Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days."