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Joke of the Day

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb. None. Californians screw in hot tubs."

"Why weren't the eggplants allowed into the mushroom party? Because there wasn't much room and they aren't fun guys."

"The 3 rings of marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"Strings are usually pretty straight Unless they're knot"

"Drug dealer I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer today. I'm not sure what they're laced with...but I've been tripping all day!"

"Trump: ""Let's get that Muslim band going"" ""Band? We thought you said ban"" Trump: ""No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"""

"A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street... when they see a little boy walking towards them. The priest says, ""Hey, let's go fuck that little boy over there!"" The rabbi says, ""Out of what?"""

"""Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha"" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] ""Actually it's lasagna"""

"What do communists put in their soup? Soviet Onions."

"if you ask a veteran if they've killed anyone and they say they don't like to talk about it, that means no"