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Joke of the Day

"Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now."

"Bitch, shut up and look riveted as shit while I get stoned and talk about crossbows for like three hours."

"I lost 130 pounds in a year. She left me."

"I don't need a girlfriend to get action... The Pokemon servers go down on me all the time."

"What do gynecologists and pizza delivery guys have in common? They have to smell it but they can't taste it!"

"What do you call a black guy on the moon? An Astronaut."

"What said a person who got run over by a car? ""I'm tired""."

"Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables"

"Husband: I'm going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax. Me: sounds awesome! H: Will you get them ready for me?"

"What type of pants does Mario wear? Denim denim denim"