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Joke of the Day

"No matter how good your raspberry body wash smells, don't be tempted to drizzle it over your ice cream. I've been burping bubbles for days."

"What do you call a black brick with three holes in it? A polish bowling ball."

"Longest minutes ever: 1. Waiting on a text 2. Waiting on your food to get out the microwave 3. Commercial while watching a good show."

"Why don't sea creatures get divorced? Because they can't afford abalone."

"I can't define ""pattern matching"" ...but I know it when I see it."

"What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween? A Ghost Pepper."

"Today, my son, Sam, told me that he wanted to become a woman. I've always wanted a Trans Sam."

"'Pampers' is a good product name because it implies being able to poop in your disposable underwear is a great luxury"

"Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like ""DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?"" and then Rachel shows up and says ""I got off the meth."""

"My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident."