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Joke of the Day

"Longest minutes ever: 1. Waiting on a text 2. Waiting on your food to get out the microwave 3. Commercial while watching a good show."

"Three types of people... There are three types of people in this world. Those who are odd, and those who literally can't even."

"How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$? He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay."

"*dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* ""Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"""

"Do you know what the problem with toilets is? They're a pisstake."

"What did the Oxen say to his son moving out? Bison"

"Knock Knock ""Who's There?"" ""Bang Bang"" ""Bang Bang Who?"" ""Oscar Pistorius"""

"I can't RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter it's not gonna come anyway"

"Sometimes I stand in front of a Redbox until a long line gathers behind me.. Then I'll yell. Where's the fucking Pepsi button on this thing?"