49190

Joke of the Day

"Today, my son, Sam, told me that he wanted to become a woman. I've always wanted a Trans Sam."

"Why was the tumblrina mad at the gamer? He was pushing the right trigger."

"A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail"

"Me: You should really try this lip gloss Her: this is super glue Me: HEAR ME OUT"

"There are two types of people in the world: 1) Those that can be arsed to finish their jokes."

"When #EgyptAir announced ""he's not a terrorist, just an idiot"" My ex wife phoned to see if it was me."

"Dating is like vitamins If you don't go outside much you won't get the D."

"*tear runs down cheek ""Why are all these people dead on the inside?"" ""Sir, this is a morgue."""

"[Looking at ultrasound monitor with my wife] Wife: Look at it's little heart beating! Isn't it amazing... Me: It looks like a crossiant"

"If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she's a keeper."