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Joke of the Day

"FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long she can lick an envelope after she's posted it."

Next Joke
 
"Missus and I splitting. I blame her new job. Ever since she started at EA, our definitions of ""exclusive"" have really diverged."
"If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor."
"*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people"
"Why did the kid eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake. -My 6 year old Nephew"
"What do you call a former lacrosse player? Ex Lax."
"I'm no scientist, but I'm sure that gravity is at it's strongest while laying in bed early in the mornings."
"What is a person with epilepsy's favourite salad? Chicken Seizure Salad."
"What is the vampire's favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously."
"Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. And then it hit me."