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Joke of the Day

"Writing ""Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???"" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram"

"My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?"

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"Spell Xenophobia H-A-N-S-O-N"

"Just so you know, I am not going to be RTing any more racist jokes. Racism is a crime and crimes are for black people."

"[at hairstylist] Make me look like I'm running really fast."

"[interrogation] COP: So you play the tuba do ya? ""No, the violin"" COP: Treble maker eh?"

"I've started a time travellers club The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm"

"My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it."

"Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??"