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Joke of the Day

"[at hairstylist] Make me look like I'm running really fast."

"I'm so tired I could eat a horse."

"""I'm Dan if I do, and Dan if I don't."" -Dan"

"What's does Santa Clause and my wife have in common? They both come once every year."

"Humans are constantly amazing me; like how vegan is a thing but hibernation isn't? Wtf."

"Whats the differance between a terrorist and a yiddish mama? You can negotiate with terrorists"

"I got an anonymous letter today. Oh really - who was it from?!"

"You can't watch porn on the new iphone They took the jack off."

"5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now... That's a perfect vision joke."

"What shoes to chickens wear? Reebok bok bok"