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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between /r/news and radical extremists? Radical extremists fuck goats while /r/news fucks themselves."

"My boss just asked if I'm illiterate, which is offensive because I know exactly who my father is."

"Why did the stoner put laxatives in the pot brownies? For shits and giggles"

"How ironic is it... to die in the living room?"

"What do you call slapping hands with (5^.5+1)/2? A high phive! I'll see myself out now."

"What's the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?"

"The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers But it was just a miner inconvenience"

"Something something Reddit something something Ellen Pao GUYS, DID I DO IT RIGHT, GUYS?! DO I GET THE FREE POINTS NOW?!?!"

"I enjoy reenacting the Crucifixion during sex. People call me sacrilegious. I tell them I'm only religious in the sack."

"When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are... Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?"