20491

Joke of the Day

"I want to die drunk and peacefully like my grandfather Not like his 6 other screaming passengers"

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? SUPER DANCE OFF?? Cop: OH YEAH OH YEAH? Cop: No, not really. There's a warrant for your arrest. oh no"

"I'm so broke that if my girlfriend leaves me for another guy I swear that I'm going with them."

"""Finish your peas. Kids in China are starving"" ""Finish your math. Kids in America are cheating off the Asian kids"""

"Our WIFI was down yesterday and I spent 45 minutes trying to fix it. Our dishwasher has been broken for 3 weeks and I haven't even touched it."

"What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school? Submitting a stool sample."

"2 condoms are walking down the street and pass a gay bar... One turns to the other and says ""Hey, you wanna go get shit faced?"""

"Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh..."

"The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?"

"I was at the gym last night and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in... Now I'm banned from the gym"