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Joke of the Day

"What crawls up walls and scares the shit outta Jews? Gas pipes."

"Vincent van Gogh called... He wants his ear back... so that he can hear you on the telephone."

"SHE has the mouth of a sailor... ...that recently retired & started a new career as a trucker."

"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem."

"ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then"

"You really inspire me to be a bitter person."

"People with those rims that spin when the car isn't moving, how often do you have to replace the hamsters in those things?"

"Why does the can crusher hate his job? Because it's soda pressing."

"Two kids Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off."

"Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one"