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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a woman and a gun? Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home."

"Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?"

"How do you know if your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick would taste like blood"

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Everyone I told swore they wouldn't tell anyone else."

"The reason that I'm not a superstitious person... ...I think that if you believe in superstition that it'll only bring you bad luck."

"My home was invaded by gay burglars the other night... ...They came in and rearranged the furniture."

"I had an idea for a hot air balloon underwear company. I couldn't get it off the ground."

"Allow me to translate: when NPR says ""hip hop culture,"" they're talking about black people."

"When I was 12 years old, my Dad approached me and said ""Son, do you know anything about sex?""... I said ""Sure Dad, what do you wanna know?"""

"I wasted 400 years of my life trying to figure out if I was a vampire."