204525

Joke of the Day

"My moods don't just swing - they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette."

"What's ten inches long, has a bright purple tip, and made my wife cry when I made her eat it after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth."

"Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?"

"It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name"

"A zombie ate the brain of a taekwondo master. The zombie said, ""Mmmm. That had a nice kick to it."""

"For all the downvoters GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER"

"The next World Cup is going to be held in Nevada FIFA Las Vegas"

"Why is gigabit internet good for you? Because it's high in fiber! haha, I'll show myself out..."

"Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. He didn't have the guts too"

"I've seen Han Solo land the Millennium Falcon on an asteroid, I'm sure he can handle landing a plane on a golf course."