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Joke of the Day

"Pluto wasn't even a planet for a full year on Pluto. Do you ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself."

"Nurse: ""Oh jeez, was that you that fell 20 ft out of the tree?"" I don't know, I wasn't counting. Not much of a joke but it was hilarious when my grandpa said it at the hospital (happened to him ofc)."

"Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password."

"I wonder what chairs think about all day ""Oh, here comes another asshole"""

"I love my kids like I love my flour... Self-raising."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one."

"What do you call the sweat between two rednecks making love? Relative humidity."

"100% of Guy Fieri fans drive drunk."

"I had a blind date tonight Her name was "

"What was the border patrol agent's greatest regret? The Juan that got away."