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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar ... ... and the bird on his shoulder is saying ""Pieces of Nine. Pieces of Nine"". It was a parroty error."

"So Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table, and then a stool."

"Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive."

"I can totally relate to the plight of the homeless. I once gave up Twitter for five whole days."

"My girlfriend asked me the other day, ""Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?"" I said, ""I'm sorry, I don't follow you."""

"Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging around freely... It's women who make it hard."

"All that Felix proved Sunday was that Red bull does not give you wings... You must use a parachute"

"A man seeking to lose some of his excess weight visited the local doctor. John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off."

"Which Disney character is Trump's favorite? WALL-E"

"Hey, have you heard about.... A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated."