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Joke of the Day

"All that Felix proved Sunday was that Red bull does not give you wings... You must use a parachute"

"What do you call a canine that lives at the beach? A hot dog."

"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."

"If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."

"I'd totally date you, but complaining about being single is kind of my thing and I don't really want to lose that."

"I had a really long dream last night that I was a muffler under a car. When I woke up this morning I was exhausted!"

"Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair."

"I tossed my friend Sierra a can of pop Sierra Mist"

"My dog has no legs. I call him Cigarette. Every night I come home from work, I take him for a drag."

"I could never date a homophobe... I just don't think he'd be into that."