203217

Joke of the Day

"A cyclist gets into an accident... As he's wheeled into the hospital, he looks to the bed next to him and sees Bono. His face lights up, and he asks, ""U2?"""

"Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual? Because the instructions were clear."

"OJ's son must have been the murderer.... ... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, ""..go aXe your mother"""

"Knock knock anti-joke Knock knock Who's there? Not Adolf Hitler . . ."

"Neuroscientists have discovered a commonly-consumed food which nearly eliminates the female sex drive. Wedding cake."

"i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we're growing up too fast ""they're in there daring each other to eat dog food"""

"What would a porno be like? Lots of clicking and snapping?"

"I think my optometrist is falling in love with me... Every time I leave his office he hands me a sample of contact solution and says, ""Eye care for you"""

"As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears? The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!"

"Talk to your kids about drugs. Learn which drugs are cool rn. You don't wanna be a nerd parent"