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Joke of the Day

"All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word."

"Wanna hear a pizza joke... never mind it's too cheesy"

"""Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people."" -my cat"

"Polls show some interesting things Statistics show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape"

"Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio."

"PC Master Race"

"I know wearing black is supposed to make you look slimmer but I may be taking it too far wearing this Darth Vader costume all week..."

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"What do nuns do? Nunthing"

"Does anyone know a good locksmith? I spent the entire day cleaning the entire house and need to keep my family out."