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Joke of the Day

"""Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people."" -my cat"

"Hey Jude. I ran out of advice, so I'm just going to go nah nah nah nah for the next nine minutes."

"My grandpa was always disappointed in me.... When I was five my grandpa was always disappointed in me. He would tell me ""when I was your age I was six."""

"Racism, white supremacy, xenophobia, sexism, misogyny, etc...these things aren't wrong. They're just alt-right."

"I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller."

"Yes, Banner Ads, we want to check our Credit Scores. Almost as much as we want to pick people up at the airport and see our parents fucking."

"What do you call 2 lambs dating? A relationSHEEP."

"A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar The bartender asks what they're having. The witch replies ""Narnia business."""

"My friend asked me... My friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want"

"My bloodtype is really disappointing. My doctor keeps saying ""be positive""."