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Joke of the Day

"Working on a theory that Johnny Depp died shortly after The Rum Diary and filthy scarves and wigs are simply wheeled onto movie sets now"

"A recent study found out that 9 out of every 11 jobs are done inside"

"I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft."

"I went to a disco last night... (mildly NSFW) They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come on Eileen I got kicked out."

"Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y""... Everyone always wonders why I call my friend Gregory, ""Y"" ... Well, his name is Greg-or-y... so I chose ""Y."""

"Opposites don't always attract. I've met several sane and normal people and found nothing about them appealing."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. (heard this somewhere)"

"*doctor administers experimental anti bad joke serum* how do you feel? ""with my hands"" let's give it a minute"

"Chuck Norris is so awesome... He counted to infinity, twice."

"Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple."