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Joke of the Day

"Imagine a world not only without sex but where there is the constant threat that a stork will just drop a fucking baby off at your house."

"On a scale of 1 to fucked, how fucked is FIFA? FIFucked."

"My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground."

"If a woman ever charges you with a knife in the kitchen, remain calm and open the fridge. Take out mayonnaise, cheese, and ham. Natural instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich instead."

"""Give me your Vitamin Water and your organic gluten-free cookies unless there's peanuts in them because I'm allergic."" - 2012 school bully"

"Why are black people so tall? Because their kneegrows"

"Everybody who has played Russian Roulette will tell you it's safe. Well, at least 5/6 people will."

"Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? A: Works pretty well, doesn't it?"

"I have a habit of standing naked in the laundry room wondering what to wear. This may have contributed to my immense popularity in college."

"How can you tell if you're on a Starcraft diet? Not enough minerals."