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Joke of the Day

"I went to a disco last night... (mildly NSFW) They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come on Eileen I got kicked out."

"What's the difference between the UN and ISIS? The pension package."

"At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die."

"Why did the old lady throw the clock outside her window? SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL!!!!!!"

"What if... ... in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar...and the actor who played him got an Oscar."

"I hope there comes a day when cancer is just a zodiac sign"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bart ! Bart who ? Bart-enders serve drinks !"

"I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger."

"Why did God give man a penis? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up."

"Why are volcanoes mischievous? Because they erupt to no good."