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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone know any good Groundhog Day jokes? Because I keep hearing the same ones over and over"

"At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall."

"Why did Baby Moses believe he was Egyptian? Because he was in da Nile."

"if 9-5 is a full time job, and 11/4 is a part time job, what's 9-11? An inside job."

"For every stripper with ""daddy issues"" there are 10 more ""daddies with stripper issues"""

"Last night my wife asked me how many women I have slept with I answered just you honey. I was awake with the rest of them."

"You can tell a lot about a person during the opening of Queen's ""Under Pressure"" depending on how bummed they are it's not ""Ice Ice Baby""."

"If I had a dollar for every person who found me unattractive... I'd buy the htc vive, because who the fuck cares if your ugly when you have VR."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Alickalotapuss"

"If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists."