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Joke of the Day

"I always eat duck with a few slices of cheap bread, because I know they would've enjoyed it."

"I'd be surprised if no one had ever tried to get pity sex using their Web MD results. ""But, baby, I'm dying..."""

"I've stopped asking what the meaning of life is. My question now is: ""Why do only technologically-challenged people use self-check-outs?""."

"Why does Waldo always wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted."

"The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line."

"Do you have hair around your nipples? Is it particularly in the hair-eola? ... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle."

"What stops your hair from falling? The floor"

"Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again."

"wtf is almond milk almonds ain't even got titties"

"[In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!"