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Joke of the Day

"You can tell a lot about a person during the opening of Queen's ""Under Pressure"" depending on how bummed they are it's not ""Ice Ice Baby""."

"What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law? A Small Medium at Large"

"Confession: I have dipped cheese into softer cheese."

"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."

"Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?"

"What gets easier to pick up the more it weighs? Women."

"A math teacher invented something. A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer. He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'"

"The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just ""lay in bed and watch TV all day"" I traveled very far thank u"

"What's black, blue, and hates sex? The five year old boy in my basement."

"Haven't worn a bra in 4 days.... I love being a man"