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Joke of the Day

"Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming ""But dad we're goldfish"" Oh yeah, I forgot ""Forgot what?"""

"I thought that whale movie was super offensive.... ...because of all those actors in Blackfish."

"My elderly narcoleptic neighbour burst into tears when I told her Davy Jones had died. I said ""Cheer up, sleepy Jean"""

"There is a button on my microwave that says ""super clown"" and I do not ever push that button"

"My friend went into a sudden trance where she imagined she was stuck in a Pistachio. I told her to snap out of it. -She couldn't.-"

"Cancer changes things. If you really love her.. You'll put up with dry-mouth blow jobs."

"What is the difference between Christmas music and Kobe Bryant? Christmas music will still be playing next year."

"already regret the text i'm about to send"

"A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery ...and come across a gravestone that reads ""here lies a lawyer and a good man"" The boy asks his father ""Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"""

"What's the difference between a school teacher and a train? A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo."