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Joke of the Day

"I didn't make this joke up myself.. I reddit somewhere. My coworker said that about me and thought I'd share :)"

"Inspired by T.G.I.Fridays, I opened a place called C.L.I.Thursdays. It closed down though because most guys couldnt find it"

"What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator? A huge mess."

"One thing I've learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears. Or I need new glasses. Again."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a bass player? The pizza can feed a family of four."

"I don't think so unnamed henchman shooting at the main character."

"Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down."

"[talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] ""No"" What? ""You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch"" *places $50 back in my pocket*"

"If Ben Franklin was a Nazi, how would he have discovered electricity? By frying kikes."

"-gestures to everything in the Garage- Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!! Wife- YOU'RE a tool Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM Wait..what?"