194596

Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator? A huge mess."

"thinking of calling crepes ""frenchiladas"" from now on who's with me"

"That awkward 3 second lap dance you get at the movies when someone walks by you."

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"Fall asleep on a jigsaw. Woke up with a puzzled face."

"4yo: I want to play squirt guns Me: You mean when you squirt me all day and laugh, and if I squirt you, you cry? 4yo: YES Me: Okay, let's go"

"Sometimes I ask myself, what would Aquaman do? So I sit in the bathtub and cry about how useless I am."

"What starts with F and ends with UCK? Fuck"

"I do NOT trust my bowels... I just think they're full of shit _"

"(Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?"