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Joke of the Day

"One thing I've learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears. Or I need new glasses. Again."

"They developed a new type of cough syrup for Elephants with bad tusks. They call it, Robituskin'."

"My dad had the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Does anyone know how much a blimp is worth? I was going to google it, but I was worried it wouldn't account for inflation."

"my wife tried to tell me that I'm in denial... So I told her to go back to school and learn geography because I'm standing nowhere near a river in Egypt"

"*Takes our kid away so my wife can have a break* *Takes kid to pub* *Bumps into wife at pub*"

"What do you call Charlie Sheen having sex with his brother? Emilio Incestevez"

"I'm going to stop eating beef from Colorado The steaks are too high"

"A friend of mine died late last night I woke up in mourning."

"Two days is not enough time for a weekend."