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Joke of the Day

"TIL Steven Gerrard is releasing a biography on his time at Liverpool As of yet, the book has no title."

"Damn, I burnt one. What did God say when he made the first black man? ""Damn, I burnt one."""

"I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy ...and my face smashes right into the mirror."

"Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia. WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?"

"Men and women stalk differently. Men will drive by at night. Women will show up at your job and smash your stuff in front of everyone."

"I organized a 3-some last night There were 2 no shows, but I still had a good time."

"Pretty sure Google has this master plan of taking over the world by blackmailing everyone with their search history."

"Show me on your wallet where you would like me to touch you."

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."

"I'm going to a costume party as jesus. What are some good jesus party quotes I can use?"