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Joke of the Day

"Why are people who work in IT amazing at relationships and sex? When there is a problem they just turn them off and back on"

"[NSFW] Who did the gay porn actor thank when he got an award? His penis for all the shit I went through and all his ass for all the dicks it dealt with."

"I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?"

"[Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird"

"Kentucky Derby trivia - Why don't female jockeys shave their pussies? They like their fur long! I'll show myself out..."

"As long as Apple doesn't announce Ben Affleck as the new iPhone I think everything is going to be OK."

"People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father."

"If a girl texts you back ""k"" check all your previous messages to see where you fu*ked up."

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? 'cause he was too far out man!"

"A drunk man walks into a bar ... ""Jesus, Craig, you suck at playing limbo!"" said the man's friend."