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Joke of the Day

"Why are people who work in IT amazing at relationships and sex? When there is a problem they just turn them off and back on"

"Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are."

"I probably would have been a pretty good doctor, until I found out that I still get paid if the people die. Then I'd just be like, whatever"

"Two cannibals are eating a clown... One says to the other: ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"Some friends of mine recently lost their baby. They swore to never dress him in camouflage again if he turns up."

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."

"A kleptomaniac was walking down the street one day and I saw a man waving a white stick.. so he stole it when the man wasnt looking.."

"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up."

"I like my women like I like my champagne 13 years old and smashed over the bow of my yacht"