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Joke of the Day

"Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are."

"When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?"

"While scrolling the front page I saw the most annoying thread ever It was coming out of the sweater I was wearing. That was my favorite sweater."

"Finding Money Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming."

"If Rihanna was a bear name one of her songs. Bees Better Have My Honey"

"Never moon a werewolf"

"My girlfriend's been at a baby shower for like 3 hours. That baby's gotta be so fucking clean by now. Girls are weird."

"Rockstar has pretty much confirmed it's making a new Red Dead ... ... Grand Theft Auto V dlc with new customizable skins inspired by attire in the famous western-themed game."

"Funny how you can tell a child Santa is made up and they accept it immediately, but you tell an adult God is made up, and they throw a fit."

"A physicist sits down at a bar. What does he order? Ein stein"