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Joke of the Day

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."

"isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying."

"Where do bees go on holiday ? Stingapore !"

"Did you hear about the score of the football match between Egypt and Ethiopia? Egypt 8 - Ethiopia didn't...."

"elevator operator my career as an elevator operator was very up and down."

"*dad bursts into my room and puts me in a headlock* ""Why didn't you 'Like' the Grumpy Cat meme I posted on Facebook, you son of a bitch?"""

"What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA? The former has a cunning array of stunts"

"It's weird how british people say lift instead of elevator... Its like my dad saying ""your a disappointment"" instead of ""I love you"""

"Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they literally can't even Like. Omg."

"What are the two fastest things in the world? Second fastest: your butthole snapping shut. Fastest: That little drop of water..."