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Joke of the Day

"I won the meat raffle in the bar. Wasn't the answer my kids were expecting when they asked how I met their mother."

Next Joke
 
"I had an Ethiopian blend of coffee this morning... It didn't taste very rich."
"[making out] ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand* GIRLFRIEND: omg really? ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really."
"Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug? She gave birth in the spring"
"Listing all my single socks on match.com."
"Apparently Burger King will be giving away free whoppers on October 13th to Special Olympians I'd be downs for that"
"Went to Costco for eggs. Walked out with a toaster oven, an 80 inch 4K TV, minus 1 child and no eggs."
"Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."
"I used to be addicted to soap. I'm clean now."
"Spoiler alert: 2013 sucks too."