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Joke of the Day

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks."

"A doctor reaches in his jacket for a pen.... and pulls out a thermometer. ""Oh great, some asshole's got my pen!"""

"Went in for a prostate exam... I asked the doctor where I should put my pants. ""Right over there with mine""..."

"You're riding the crest of a slump?"

"Why is Chinese the best language? It has the most character."

"1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2...!!"

"In regards to Caitlyn Jenner's car accident I guess you could call it vehicular translaughter."

"There's a lot of talk surrounding the EU referendum at the moment. We've already heard from the boss' of JCB and Dyson; I'm just waiting to hear from Durex and their opinions on us pulling out."

"My attempt to write from a woman's perspective: ""She carried her boobs to the station. 'They're staring at my boobs,' she thought boobily."""

"Most of the lies I tell aren't even true."