20215

Joke of the Day

"If I was smarter I'd make my social network passwords impossible to type when drunk."

"Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No."

"Broke my good sunglasses... But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were."

"I guess the Republican party... ... **puts on sunglasses** Is not cruizing anymore."

"If you think Hillary is going to drop out of the presidential race, you should know Hillary doesn't go down... That's why Bill had Monica."

"Where do suicide bombers go when they die? EVERYWHERE"

"Kudos to Mattel for making Barbie reflect the average woman! I'm buying the one with massive student loan debt & a fear of cement trucks."

"What happens to your car insurance if you don't notify them that you've wrecked a car? I don't know, but it's not wreck-amended."

"What did the pirate day on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!"

"What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!"