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Joke of the Day

"If you think Hillary is going to drop out of the presidential race, you should know Hillary doesn't go down... That's why Bill had Monica."

"Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him... People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about."

"I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater. For academic porpoises."

"A man speaks with his daughter. Father : Well, you fuck way better than your mother. Daughter : I know, my brothers told me!"

"A paraplegic high school senior can graduate... ...but can't walk with their class."

"Why do truck drivers like wearing finger-less gloves... They like to see their girlfriend in shorts"

"What do you call a german tampon? A twatstika....buh dum chh!"

"Why did the dog die? It had Barkinsons"

"I am all for self-belief, self-worth, self-esteem but a woman declaring herself hot and complementing herself on her own beauty smacks of serious desperation, delusion and self-conceit."

"TIFU by crying at a funeral -- about my favorite team losing. sorry wrong sob"