202095

Joke of the Day

"The closest feeling I get to being a soldier in war is when I'm accidentally in the path of a thrown football."

"If you think grammar isn't important, well, it's."

"What is Michael Bay's favorite phone? Note 7"

"My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am."

"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"

"yo mama aint got no ears hollin bout let me hear both sides of da story!"

"When someone asks if anyone has recommended Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to me Reddit already."

"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything."

"Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money? He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup."

"What is the first thing a fat person does on a website Accept cookies"