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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money? He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup."

"What is the lactose intolerant man's least favorite chore? Laun-dairy."

"How do you get a Jewish girl's number? Ask her to roll up her sleeve."

"Did you know Kurt Cobain's gun was named Success? It went right to his head."

"I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but there's only room in your ass for one head, and yours is already there ."

"The networks need to change the phrase ""Breaking News"" to ""Now What?"""

"If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life."

"It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons."

"Baller is short for ballerina"

"I have a life besides Twitter. Like this one time that I take a walk into the woods but then realize there was no wifi & I began to panic."